Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
