Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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