He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
