i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
