the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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