i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
