apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
40s are totally the cure
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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