On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
