Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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