I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
