I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So many bounce houses so little time
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
