Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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