party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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