Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
