My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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