Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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