i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
