highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
