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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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