I'm really into asian looking animals
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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