I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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