I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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