Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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