i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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