Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
