I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
