Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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