you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
