Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
