I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
