Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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