god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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