Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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