maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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