thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
