She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
