well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
