My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
