You just made me feel so damn special
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
