so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
