K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
