he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
