Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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