dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
