A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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