I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
