they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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