It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
