Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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