Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
