I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
