Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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