I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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