The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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