I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
