i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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