The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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