Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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