Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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