Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
