i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
