A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
