Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
