Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
