In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
