so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
