Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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