Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
