we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
