I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
