I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
