The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize