maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
