Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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