It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize