Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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