omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
