I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
