Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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