halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
