fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
