Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize