I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
