I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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