What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
