The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
