I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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