I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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