never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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